If you have a heated argument with your spouse, do you ever make yourself feel similar to Groundhog Day? Do you think about it in awe and wonder what’s the reason you’re having this argument over and over?
A marital roadblock you have to cross repeatedly could be a sign of a constant conflict with your partner. Perpetual issues–which are faced by many healthy families, are sometimes not possible to fix (though they are not managed and sorted out) because they are based on fundamental differences in personality and preferences or lifestyle requirements.
In other situations, frequent conflict and “Here we go again” arguments can be explained more easily through the behaviours displayed by either or both partners. These behaviour patterns — bad habits at best, but ineffective at worst, can cause damage to a relationship over time and result in anger or displeasure.
Here are three typical kinds to steer clear of.
POINTING FINGERS
Blaming, accusing, or blaming your partner and at the same time, you are presenting yourself as the victim the most common behaviour pattern that could spell trouble for married couples. The act of pointing fingers shows the inability to be accountable for your own part in the matter as well as making an adversary of your spouse.
If you’re not certain the blame game is a regular feature in your relationship, ask whether you or your partners are able to say
Consider the person who’s “right” and who is “wrong”
Try to portray another person in the role of the villain
Speak things like “This is your fault” or “You always do this”
It can be difficult to adopt an approach of teamwork when being triggered. It is ideal that at least one of you is aware enough in an argument to remind the other that you’re all in this together and must be able to take a cooperative, respectful approach to solve the problem. “It’s not you versus me. It’s us against the issue.”
PUSHING BUTTONS
The research in the field of attachment theory examines how and why we connect with each other. The types of attachment or bonding are typically classified into four groups: anxiety avoidant disorganized or mixed (a mix of avoidant and anxious) and secure.
The two first types, avoidant and anxious can also be referred to as Pursuer and withdrawer. People who are pursuers, or those who are more likely to exhibit an anxiety-inducing attachment style, can be extremely adept in “pushing their spouse’s buttons,” or doing something threatening in order to trigger an answer from their spouse who is more cautious which is why they often shut down during conflicts.
Pursuers usually want or require their counterparts to continue talking in the course of an argument. They might be able to perceive that their partner is not willing to “do the work” with them. The tendency to push, prod and insist on continuing conversations during a marital dispute is a reaction to a feeling of rejection and abandonment that couples who are anxious feel or fear.
Online Marriage Counselling is playing a big role in balancing your married life. It helps both of them to move on the right path which is good for their relationship as well as for individuals. A good Marriage Counsellor works in the roots of problems, they listen to you and your partner carefully and build your marriage life in the right way.
PUTTING UP WALLS
The tendency to run away, freeze, close down, or engage in arguments are typical self-protection behaviours for people who are more averse to attachment style. They might become still or stay away from eye contact, leave their room or even try to dismiss or minimize the situation.
The absence of protecting someone by the act of putting up “walls” often leaves important concerns unresolved. It can create a sense of isolation and disconnection experienced by the other party.
People who are prone to withdraw during conflicts would be well advised to know the theory of attachment and seek professional counsel to break the pattern.
If you’re struggling to save your married life, then an online Marriage Counsellor or Relationship Counselling will help you out! Online Marriage Counselling helps to live a happy and healthier life with your loved ones.
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Don’t give up on your love life, lots of ups and downs come and go but you have to work on it!!!
